It wouldn’t be enough for me to say that I am amazed with God! What an amazing year this is already proving to be. Not amazing because of anything material or because of anything natural. Amazing because I am finding love again. I am finding romance again. No not in any man. But in everything that God is doing in my life right now. Nothing seems so bad anymore. Nothing seems so painful anymore. And nothing seems impossible anymore. In the last few weeks I have found the strength to do things, to believe things, to hope for things that I thought would never happen. I’ve taken risks and seen God move. I feel like my heart is back in tune with God’s.
This last week God challenged me. It was a stressful week for me and I started to give in to doubt and worry again. The challenge that God gave me this week was about trust. He wanted to know how much I was willing to trust Him with. Would I trust Him with only the things that I could afford to lose? Or would I trust Him with the things that I felt I couldn’t live without? Would I trust Him enough to just wait?
It’s alittle ironic that while God is teaching me to trust Him and just wait, that I am forced to wait for Baby Bella to be born. Everyday I wake up wondering “is it time now?”. But everyday that she doesnt come I have to wait a little longer. I feel like waiting on God is alot like the anxiety of waiting for pregnancy to end! I have no idea when it will come, but I know that when it does I am getting something amazing and worth the wait! Right now God is taking me through my own birthing process. Of just waiting and waiting and waiting. And the only thing that is getting me through this, with all the pain and discomfort that comes with it, is knowing that He is creating something perfect! I have looked up every possible way to make Bella come faster! And everything I’ve read says that unless your body is already prepared for baby to come there is no way of speeding up the process. It will just happen when it’s time! I’ve tried so many times to speed up the process with God only to find that my efforts are useless. Now I’m learning just to endure the process and all that comes with it and let it happen when it happens! Just like I would never want my Baby to be premature God doesnt want His blessing to be either. He wants us to experience the fullness of His blessings at the best possible time!